The Current

I was supposed to be getting ready for school.
I was in kindergarten.
It was dark.
Our windows were decorated with tape.
It looked like huge snowflakes.
My mom was watching the news and told me that I wasn’t going to school that day.
It was the day hurricane Iniki hit Kaua’i.

Hurricane Lane took over the talk of the town this week
from category to category,
stalking up on water and spam,
taping slippers to the ground,
and tracking its path.
During times like these people often say,
“prepare for the worst and hope for the best.”
The unsung notes of that phrase is
the weight of waiting,
the anticipation for it to come and pass
and to force yourself to pause
like the eye of the storm.

So the next time something else in life
causes you to prepare for the worst
and hope for the best
remember the importance
and value
of waiting
while being kind to your soul
and living wholeheartedly through it all.
Hopefully that next time won’t be another hurricane in the season.

It’s not much.

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Valley of the Temple | Photo Credit: M.M.
“Hi, mama, I miss you. I miss you every day.”

That’s all I could bring myself to say whenever I get to visit her before I break into tears.

It’s been six years and the grieving hasn’t stopped.
It never will.
It’s a part of me,
but it doesn’t paralyze me anymore.

Year after year I thought I read enough books about grief and studied the five stages in hopes of managing my emotions down to a science.

It was helpful in some ways in terms of gaining knowledge and self-awareness, however,
I noticed that I burdened myself with so many tangible steps of how to move forward.
My thoughts ran back and forth like this,
“I should go out so I can feel happy and celebrate life because life is too short.
But all I want to do is lay here and cry, but I can’t allow myself to do that because that means I’ve failed back into this rut that I worked so hard to get out of.
I should go out.
But I just don’t have the energy to do that right now.
But I should.”
I trapped myself into my own introverted game.
I made it harder on myself by that word should and the whispers and paces of others.

It took a while to block it out and it’s still a daily reminder to do so.

I learned that taking a day to deeply feel and cry from missing her doesn’t mean that I’ve crumbled back to step one.
It’s just another step
to feeling human and alive
knowing that I was loved by her
and she is still loved by all.

At times like this I noticed that what’s best for me is to keep the day simple for my own health and well-being:

  • Breathe.
  • Feel everything.
  • Be.
  • Keep breathing.
And with that the day rolls out to its perfect self.

How do you keep the day simple for you?

You got this.

A year ago someone texted me the following quote:
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” -Maya Angelou
I remember reading this quote with so much hope and prayer.
I remember the amount of energy it took to break down and put myself back together again.
I remember embracing the process and those who held me in love near and far.
Now
I read this quote with gratitude and confidence
because I am living proof of the truth behind it all,
not for other people,
but for myself
time and time again.
I read this quote with hope and prayer to every woman who ever felt less than.
I encourage you
to reflect on your strength,
to remember how you are so worth loving,
and to celebrate your soul’s brave heights.
I encourage you to be your own living proof.

Beach Boulevard

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We often reminisce on the numerous possibilities of the crossed paths we may never know of –
treadmills at the gym,
coffee shops,
grocery stores,
or breakfasts at Denny’s.
We talk about our similar worlds with nostalgia in our souls
and confused thoughts of how we were strangers in the first place.
We get lost in wanting more time,
but never wasting our wishes on turning it back,
which adds beauty to the present.
So let’s choose to keep each other,
a reoccurring choice that goes unquestioned
with our hearts aligned with affirmation and faith
because you can’t make up this kind of love we have.
Let’s drive down Beach Boulevard toward the pier where it all started
where I asked to stay a little bit longer
and you stood by me and said of course.
Let’s break the clocks
and throw the hands
that tick with expectations that will never measure up
to the reality that doesn’t fit all.
It’s okay.
It’s more than okay.
The paths we reminisced about are not lost,
it was a journey of preparation for us to find ourselves first
and then each other
to practice the only thing that matters most –
love.

 

Write now.


As much as I hate to admit it I was (and still am at times) the type of person who worried so much that the wrinkles on my forehead had wrinkles.
I got silent when I stressed out or felt anxious and
I didn’t know how to communicate what I needed at that moment because
I was so focused on making everything perfect or keeping the image of looking like
I had everything under control.
It took time for me to realize that I was limiting my skills and my voice and
I was not allowing myself to lean into the experience no matter what kind of
chaos,
celebration, or
calmness was occurring at that moment.
I had to learn different ways to manage my anxiety in various situations and I’m still learning as I continue my journey of
ups,
downs,
reflection,
happiness and
self-love.
Part of my journey includes stories that help provide perspective whether it’s from someone I know or a story like The Alchemist.
It gave me a concept to focus on that I can’t explain any better myself.

The secret is here in the present. If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And, if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better. Forget about the future, and live each day according to the teachings, confident that God loves his children. Each day, in itself, brings with it an eternity.” The camel driver had asked what the circumstances were under which God would allow him to see the future. “Only when he, himself, reveals it. And God only rarely reveals the future. When he does so, it is for only one reason: it’s a future that was written so as to be altered.”

Coelho, Paulo. The Alchemist

So what will you focus on this new year?
What will you add to your narrative?
Reflect on it.
Write it down.
Write now.